Prana

breath of life; learning where I feel fully alive

Inhale. Exhale.

Inhale. Exhale.

Inhale. Exhale.
Let it all go.

I sit cross-legged on my bluish-green yoga mat. A 71”x24” rectangle where my soul finds rest and comes alive. It is where I am renewed and where all my best ideas come.

Inhale, reach arms overhead. Exhale, drop my left hand down to my side. Inhale, reach my right arm up and over and find a right side-body stretch. I begin to connect breath and movement, getting out of my head and into my body. Choosing to start my day nourishing my heart, mind, and body; grounding myself in the present moment, and giving thanks for all the good and hard in my life.

********

I roll out my mat, set my 4-month-old on the mat, and lay eyes on my 2-year-old who’s climbing on the pirate ship at the playground. I set out the yoga blocks, take a seat next to the baby, and wait. Slowly, moms and their toddlers arrive. The littles run off to play as the mothers unroll their mats in a line.

These women share the title of military spouse with me. We all do life together in Japan, and this is my opportunity to help them nourish their mind, bodies, and hearts through the gift of yoga.

“Everyone take a seat on your mat and we will start by taking three cleansing breaths together.”

Exhale all the air out of your lungs, inhale through your nose. Once your lungs are all the way full, open your mouth and exhale. Feel your jaw release, your shoulders fall away from your ears. Release whatever life junk you brought with you today. Repeat this two more times, coming fully into this present moment.

I allow space here for these women to breathe and release. I scan the playground checking on the children.

From your seat find a long spine, with your next inhale reach your arms overhead, as you exhale drop your right hand to the right side of the mat, lift out of your hips, and lean to the right, stretching your left arm up and over. Inhale, coming through center, exhale, and drop to the left.

As I lead these women through this flow I feel my soul come alive. I know I have given them a bit of a lifeline to keep treading water through countless days of solo parenting.

*****

I lay on my mat in a yoga studio filled with people. It has been over six years since I last practiced in a studio, and I am grateful to be here.

My body begins to sink into my props. A bolster propped up on a block supports my spine. A blanket wraps around my feet and tucks under my knees to support a butterfly shape. The music of crystal bowls fills the room.

I feel my eyes grow warm as tears begin to form. This class is everything I craved and tried to recreate at home for the last three years of living in Japan. From leading myself through yin and restorative postures to listening to YouTube recordings of crystal bowls.

I feel nourished, whole, fulfilled, restored. My entire being is fed by this practice; allowing me to feel fully alive.

I’m learning time on my mat is where I feel fully alive. Whether I’m teaching other military spouses, attending a class, or self-lead practice at home, yoga is where I am fed and able to feed others.

*****

We arrive at one of our favorite playgrounds early. My 3-year-old insists on helping me carry the yoga props. We’re teaching yoga for the first time in San Diego. My son made a point to find his mat so he could bring his yoga mat with him and do yoga with mommy.

I start setting up my mat, and George lays his mat out with mine. I find my notebook with the flow I planned for today and make sure I have a water bottle near my mat. I watch as my boys play and we wait for our friends to arrive.

One by one, fellow military spouses arrive, lay out their mats, and catch up. Some of them ran races over the weekend, so we’re all excited to hear about it.

Once everyone has arrived we begin by taking three deep cleansing breaths. This is how I always start my practices. We carry so much with us, so I start us off by giving each student a chance to let go and enter into the present moment of the class.

We focus on stretching out legs, hips, and hamstrings, finding a bit of flow through our movement, and finish with a savasana where I lead everyone through a mind, body, heart scan to check in with what’s going on inside.

After the class everyone thanked me, saying how amazing it was, how much better they felt.

A few days later we had our next running meet up and some of the women who were there continued to talk about how much better they felt, how they realized just how much they needed yoga, and recognized the impact it had on them in the weight we carry as military spouses.

What I didn’t tell them this time was I pursued my yoga teacher training for this very reason. In my nearly 6 years as a military spouse, and a few years before that as a girlfriend, plus my background as an ER Nurse, yoga saved my life. It was consistent yoga practice that got me through a 9-month deployment, COVID, struggling to conceive, pregnancy, postpartum, an OCONUS (overseas) move, two-and-a-half years overseas, and so much more. I pursued yoga teacher training because I saw how much it benefitted me, and I saw how much my community (military spouses needed it).

It was my greatest honor, and joy, to bring yoga to military spouses in any way that I can. It is one of the things that breathes life into me.

This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "Alive."